If only love happened spontaneously

I installed my first gay dating app a few days ago and I became really scared. I couldn’t really handle all the pressure that came with it but, I knew I had to do it somehow or the other. You see I have been out to my friends and I know a few bisexual people over the internet but, I want to meet up with people and know them closely and maybe, fall in love. However, as I found out, a dating app isn’t really one that helps with friendship.

I am awkward with anything sexual and that kind of makes me so vulnerable when it comes to these apps. i know people are looking for hook-ups and I don’t judge them, but, I really want to know people you know and NOT have sex.

Yes, i am being a bit of a prude, and that’s scary and surprising at the same time but, it’s weird anyway. I want to dance as the evening breaks over our heads. i want to see him walk out of the sunset and to fall in love with him, completely before I move on to making out. Maybe, because it is hard for me to let go without my defenses being exhausted already.

When you spent most of your teenage years alone, your adult self makes such a big wall around themselves that it is hard to breach. Sure, I enjoy thinking about sex, and some days I wish to be with a girl I like, and other days I would love to spend decadent days and nights with this guy I once met. However, mostly am just scared. Scared of meeting people, of knowing that they think that I am annoying or not worth the extra effort.

Plus, I have never been a looker anyway.

Yet, I hope to fall in love, and maybe that is a crime…

Who knows?

Also, help needed. If any of you know a way to interact with gay or bi men and women in Kolkata I would appreciate it. Thank you…


5 thoughts on “If only love happened spontaneously

  1. If you’re looking for love, a “dating” app is probably the last place you’re going to find it; most of them are all about sex more than anything else. One could find love on these sites… it just isn’t a given.


      1. It’s all good so don’t worry about it! One of the things I learned about being bisexual is that love isn’t the only thing that has to be experienced; it’s a goal because who among us doesn’t want to love and be loved?

        The thing about love is that you never know when or where you’ll find it… or when it’ll find you; you keep the faith that you will, at some point, find love (or have it find you) and now it’s about learning and experiencing all of the things you’ll need to know when love taps you on the shoulder to introduce itself.

        “Dating” sites, well, they are what they are and if you’re gonna hang out on any of them, you just gotta learn how to deal with a lot of sexual stuff while you search for the person you can be in love with – sometimes, you just gotta take the “bad” with the “good” but, hopefully, without losing sight of what you want and need out of life… but also learning to enjoy all that life has to offer as well.


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