I installed my first gay dating app a few days ago and I became really scared. I couldn’t really handle all the pressure that came with it but, I knew I had to do it somehow or the other. You see I have been out to my friends and I know a few bisexual people over the internet but, I want to meet up with people and know them closely and maybe, fall in love. However, as I found out, a dating app isn’t really one that helps with friendship.
I am awkward with anything sexual and that kind of makes me so vulnerable when it comes to these apps. i know people are looking for hook-ups and I don’t judge them, but, I really want to know people you know and NOT have sex.
Yes, i am being a bit of a prude, and that’s scary and surprising at the same time but, it’s weird anyway. I want to dance as the evening breaks over our heads. i want to see him walk out of the sunset and to fall in love with him, completely before I move on to making out. Maybe, because it is hard for me to let go without my defenses being exhausted already.
When you spent most of your teenage years alone, your adult self makes such a big wall around themselves that it is hard to breach. Sure, I enjoy thinking about sex, and some days I wish to be with a girl I like, and other days I would love to spend decadent days and nights with this guy I once met. However, mostly am just scared. Scared of meeting people, of knowing that they think that I am annoying or not worth the extra effort.
Plus, I have never been a looker anyway.
Yet, I hope to fall in love, and maybe that is a crime…
Also, help needed. If any of you know a way to interact with gay or bi men and women in Kolkata I would appreciate it. Thank you…