Unresolved…

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “To Be Resolved.”

I do not keep clear cut resolutions but, I do have hope as I start the new years. I have hopes for a better tomorrow and a few things that I always think that I would do.

This years, these goals were –

  • Polishing up my first novel
  • Losing weight
  • Becoming and keeping more happy

Let me get this out first, I did not actually revise the first novel fully. I did start out on it but, then the move came and I was stuck in a different space with no way to continue. Yet, that novel remains in the works.
I did lose a lot of weight leaving to my hostel (which coincidentally is the abandoned hospital in the title of my blog). The things turned up pretty well there, the world went about on its own axis, and we made it through.

However, the last one.
See, I feel ashamed to say this, but, I messed up on staying happy. Heck, I wouldn’t be alive right now if a little angel didn’t help me through those months. And I know that i should commend my own courage for getting out of being suicidal, but, I cannot praise myself after sitting before a cup of bleach and drinking through it, just because I had not made it through to a medical school.
I am
I was.. I was crappy, a very dark, person who was going on a train ride to the bottom of a cliff. And the whole metal body, my body was pulling me towards to ground.

When, the results came back, I was staring out at the railway lines and if my mother had not called right at the moment, I would have probably walked towards it.

I tell this to N a lot, I tell her that I shouldn’t be alive, and that isn’t a good thing to say to a person you respect. But, I am telling the truth. A whole bunch of Paracetamols taken one night on an impulse the thoughts of death driving it home.

So, yes, that is what I carry forward. This year is ending on a higher note, am happier, and I ought to be more happy next year. I would lose more weight, and perhaps, publish that one novel.

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